Some tips to Ecuadorians on dealing with foreign motorcyclists.
Dear Ecuador,
In the time spent in your country, I have noticed that there are certain areas in which you and I lack a common understanding. So to help us on the path to improved relations, a few bits of advice.
1) A foreign motorcycle is not a rocket ship.
Regardless of its sleek design, my motorcycle is completely incapable of jet-powered flight... so please stop using equations with high value divisors to give me an estimate of how long it will take me to arrive at a given destination. When two days later I still have not arrived at the town that you said with my motorcycle would take three hours to reach, I just feel confused and betrayed.
2) A foreign motorcycle is not a compost bin.
Whatever you are putting in my gas tank when you fill it up -- vinegar? potato peels? melon rinds? -- is costing me a lot of time every morning when I try to start the bike up and it just sputters out black smoke and smells like a garbage disposal. Please put your compost in your backyard and gasoline in my tank. I would like to be able to get somewhere without having to use jet fuel to burn out the impurities from your leftover meals.
3) The driver of a foreign motorcycle cannot devine what the map in your head looks like.
When you say, "Go up the hill and take a left," and what you mean is "Go up the hill, drive for three hours and then take a left," try not to forget that middle part. Otherwise, I go up the hill, take my first left, and end up on a downward slanting slab of pavement that wants to drop me onto an old river bed, and it is very hard to turn my motorcycle around in this position without something very bad happening.
I appreciate your consideration of the above. Now if you would just give me back the $400 you owe me, maybe we could be friends.
Best,
Tracy Motz
In the time spent in your country, I have noticed that there are certain areas in which you and I lack a common understanding. So to help us on the path to improved relations, a few bits of advice.
1) A foreign motorcycle is not a rocket ship.
Regardless of its sleek design, my motorcycle is completely incapable of jet-powered flight... so please stop using equations with high value divisors to give me an estimate of how long it will take me to arrive at a given destination. When two days later I still have not arrived at the town that you said with my motorcycle would take three hours to reach, I just feel confused and betrayed.
2) A foreign motorcycle is not a compost bin.
Whatever you are putting in my gas tank when you fill it up -- vinegar? potato peels? melon rinds? -- is costing me a lot of time every morning when I try to start the bike up and it just sputters out black smoke and smells like a garbage disposal. Please put your compost in your backyard and gasoline in my tank. I would like to be able to get somewhere without having to use jet fuel to burn out the impurities from your leftover meals.
3) The driver of a foreign motorcycle cannot devine what the map in your head looks like.
When you say, "Go up the hill and take a left," and what you mean is "Go up the hill, drive for three hours and then take a left," try not to forget that middle part. Otherwise, I go up the hill, take my first left, and end up on a downward slanting slab of pavement that wants to drop me onto an old river bed, and it is very hard to turn my motorcycle around in this position without something very bad happening.
I appreciate your consideration of the above. Now if you would just give me back the $400 you owe me, maybe we could be friends.
Best,
Tracy Motz
posted by Tracy at 8:44 PM
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